Advice Column: Be honest with your question and yourself!

By Kaidian Gordon

Uncovering questions asked by real people who wish to seek advice on relationships, life and themselves.

JK: Can Friend with Benefits be established after feelings are caught?

KG: No, Friends with Benefits is just a bad idea once feelings are caught – one person in the “relationship”  will always be more invested than the other. Having feelings for a “Friend with Benefits” will by definition  ruin the situation unless both partners want to expand into a relationship. But this is not what you or your partner wanted to begin with otherwise you would’ve tried dating instead of “FWB”. What is the point of being “Friends with Benefits” if one or both of you have feelings for each other? Don’t waste time gambling with “Friends with Benefits” if there’s potential for more. Discuss rule and feelings with your partner to make sure you’re both on the same page. Also keep in mind once you start being intimate with someone, feelings – good or bad -will develop. Be cautious to both.

JK: Does your partner need to know everything that happens in your phone?

KG: When you’re in a serious relationship, everything between you and your partner should be open, expect for your personal bank account. If you’re dating someone, anything he/she does should not come as a surprise or shock to you.

Although, we are all human being and should have some measure of privacy, if you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t be bothered by your partner wanting to know what happens in your phone. However, your partner consistently asking/checking your phone can cause friction or insecurities within the relationship. I suggest reassuring your partner that you’re trustworthy or you should consider  whether you can tolerate someone who needs to know everything that goes on in your phone.

BB: Advice on transitioning from kid to adult?

KG: There’s, unfortunately, no handbook to life to guide you through the path from adolescent to adulthood. I believe you should start with reasonable goals to help with this transition along with some adult responsibilities. For example getting a part/full time job or internship will help to teach you responsibility. Another option is pursuing higher education such as college/university; going away to school will allow you to gain adulthood experiences. I suggest taking on duties that will help you evaluate towards independence.

FS: The person I formerly liked wants to attend black-tie events together, and my boyfriend is already busy on the days of those events. Is it okay to go with the person I used to like when I know he’s probably asking to attend as a romantic thing, but I only view him as a friend?

KG: Be aware that spending time with your former crush may open doors to rekindling your past or a new relationship. You should a conversation with your current partner about this and make sure he knows that you’re not interested in your former crush. If this makes your current partner uncomfortable, reevaluate your relationship to make sure risking attending the black-tie events with someone that likes you romantically is worth it.